Ishak Johari. 18 this year. 19 next year. 20 two years after. 21 three years.. Ah,you get the point.

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It's very unusual for me to type out here what I really feel, since I have always been the one to keep a straight face and not to express my true feelings. But I really can't hold onto this one much longer, not when it actually involves someone else.I call this girl Light-yes,it is a girl-and this note goes out for you,Light.


I don't know how this started. I guess when I first shook your hand I was already transfixed by you. You know,I had the hardest time that day we first met,trying to tell myself that I am attached. I may say otherwise everyday,but you are beautiful for me,in looks and in manner.Sure,there were a lot of things that don't like about you. But those dislikes are the ones I can live with. It took me 7 months to realise that I didn't have a crush on you. It was more than that. I tried desperately to stay in my relationship so that I can forget you. I tried to find someone else other than you when that relationship ended. I swear, I tried everything to convince myself you're just an infatuation of the mind. I failed.


I finally told you how I felt. I opened up to you about what actually I've been doing.Yes, I lied.Yes, I am a good actor. Yes, in a way I have done you a disservice. I wasn't surprised you know (I swear) when you rejected me. You said that you have your own reasons. Slowly I'm getting it. I'm getting why now.

Am I disappointed? Bloody yes I am. But am I angry? No. Have I given up on you then? No.

I'm going to do this the hard way now. No,I won't bash you up (A little humour there). But I'm going to fight. I'm going to win your heart, like every man does to a woman. I know there is hope. Your willingness to accept me back as a close friend was like a fire burning through my skin. I know that maybe you don't mean it, but to me it's like you saying that I still stand a chance. And I will take that chance. Maybe "I love you" right now might sound a little weird. But you've got to know that I really am into you.


Whew,all let out.



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